Learning to grieve is a life skill as necessary as learning to tie your shoe.

Good grief doesn't stifle emotions but gives voice to sorrow and accelerates healing.The poet Mary Oliver once wrote, “To live in this world you must be able to do three things: To love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”But there is no loss as enduring as death, a passage at the core of existence.

We generally learn to grieve from our community. Some communities are stoic and handle their emotional suffering quietly, while others exude noisy, visible, and full-throttled expressions ofthat fills the air as memories are shared. Mourning practices differ by culture and can inhibit or enhance the healing process.

At first, it was raw and consuming, their wound a palpable force of sadness. Over time, it would soften and transform into deep reverence andfor memories held dear. The tears would eventually dry, ushering in joyful memories, laughter, and a certainty that those who were gone would live forever in our memories.I turned to experts for guidance. Their teachings introduced me to the concept of “good grief,” a healthy way to navigate loss.

Polly set a precedent for our family’s grieving. Each pet we have cherished and lost has been given a eulogy, a commemorative service, and a burial in the backyard. I hope I got it right when I urged my children to love fiercely with arms held wide, to grieve deeply, and, as Mary Oliver wrote, “when the time comes to let it go, to let it go” by moving forward with acceptance and gratitude.

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