n the day I received an offer from my first-choice university, I expected to feel elation and excitement. I had spent years preparing for this moment, and yet when it came, I felt only dread at the thought of freshers’ week and all the social challenges this would inevitably involve.I had always been something of a shrinking violet and the fact that I now had a close group of friends at school did not helped to assuagemy social anxiety.
I would turn down party invitations from people I admired, on the assumption they had only asked me out of politeness. The liking gap can linger for months. One study asked university roommates to report on their perceptions of each other during their first year of living together. On average, it took each student about nine months for them to overcome their self-doubt and correctly appreciate how much the other person liked them.
Those worries are largely unjustified. Most people are perfectly capable of distinguishing genuine praise from flattery and we consistently underestimate how much joy our words will bring. Provided that we display sensitivity and common sense, then our genuine appreciation will be welcomed for what it is – a small act of kindness.
As my fluency in Italian increased, I was touched to see how my conversation partners saved me from embarrassment