Gen Y Speaks: A panic attack taught me I can still be an 'independent feminist' even if I slow down and seek help

Gen Y Speaks: A panic attack taught me I can still be an 'independent feminist' even if I slow down and seek helpIf you told 20-year-old me that I would someday take a 75 per cent pay cut and leave my decade-long career to become a childless homemaker, I’d have told you that you weren’t being very Feminist.

At 25, I was earning a lot more than most of my peers who were just starting out. Having just got out of an abusive relationship, I’d also decided I was never going to get married. I called Josh, but I could barely manage words. He was overseas for a work trip, and had never dealt with a panic attack before. Bless his heart for enduring my loud, shallow breathing and whimpering while telling him to just shut up with grace and patience.At 28, I “had it all”. I had the job title I’d aimed for and worked towards for years. I commanded a salary that made my parents proud. I was about to marry an absolute stud, and we had our own cosy little home.

They took 9pm calls after putting their kids to bed. “Sorry, I’m two minutes late, it was so hard to get her to sleep tonight. Kids, right?” Polite laughter all around.After the panic attack, I didn’t know what I wanted out of life anymore. What I did know was this: I didn’t want to be constantly anxious, and my current lifestyle wasn’t sustainable for me or my partner.I used to earn more than my husband, now he earns more than I do.

It took some time and a lot of uncomfortable self-reflection, but eventually I also learnt that true feminism isn’t about having it all, all the time. Instead, it is a balancing act.

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