SARASOTA, FL—The nation teetering on the edge of chaos far greater than he had yet comprehended, President Joe Biden reportedly continued reading a passage fromto schoolchildren Thursday after being informed of the GameStop situation. According to observers, White House chief of staff Ron Klain entered the Booker Elementary School classroom Biden was visiting and approached the president at precisely 9:06 a.m.
Upon receiving the information, Biden reportedly paused for a moment and stared into space before returning to sharing the story, while at the same time across the country, Secret Service agents had whisked Vice President Kamala Harris away into an underground bunker deep below the White House.
CarolinesFarts oh my god
RonColeman How did W get roped into that anyway
RonColeman Plane must hit steel
jbillinson It was 'MY Pet Goat'
GameStop situation is only important to adult Caucasians.
Is there supposed to be punchline here?
He didn't move until heard that XboxSupport had been hit.
How happy do you think The Onion editors are that they dont have to compete with the president on who can be the most ridiculous anymore.
Omg. rkbarney
williamlegate Wonders how many don't get the joke.
Feeling old when most replies are from Gen Zers not getting the joke. '9/11? Don't you mean the emergency number 911?' 😑
anylaurie16 Haha
williamlegate He loves the goat
ThatGuyYus Yup!
😭😂🤣
Molens2
There’s no situation though
Legendary
Remember all buy high, sell low.
Be nice.
scudpunk jesus christ..
🤣
He’s broken your brains and it’s fucking awesome. Cope with this shit
thegrugq What are schoolchildren? Oh yes, those things that used to exist in the past. See them in a 'school' exhibit in a museum that you can't visit. We're all in this together. Wear a mask. Barf.
Harsh yo... lol
Goat!
Well, to be fair, the market is up in general thanks to it and very few people are getting screwed by it.
Brilliant 🤣
EricKleefeld T..T....t.....t...tuh......tuh.......time..... tuh......timely....
MrG_WHst
Never thought I'd live to see the day when this is a deep cut, but here we are.
😆
Too soon?
DJSnM Government forced to step in as levels of schadenfreude peak.
That’s funny
this is why twitter is fired
FAKE NEWS never gets it right. He wanted to go to this new Game Stop place and get a board game. Monopoly will do.
Finally someone knows what to do!!!
Freaking out just thinking how many hedge fund Karen's are calling The White House demanding to stop normal people from trading.
LizMair Always too early for that one. C’mon guys.
railoftomorrow I was literally mid-sip when I read this & almost had a bad laptop/liquid interface
I'm all for exposing the country club for what it is, but the Gamestop profiteers may want to read up on Black Wall St a little...membership is very selective.
LizMair The Onion stepping it up to pre-TheBabylonBee levels!
jbarro 'That's Not a Big Fucking Deal' said Biden
Hahahaha....basically yes
jbarro Is this his Katrina?
'Brazilians are not afraid of danger,' says Bolsonaro, Brazilian president in criticism of social isolation. Brazil counts more than 218,000 DEAD and more than 9,000,000 million INFECTED BRAZIL NEEDS URGENT INTERNATIONAL HELP 28 January 2021 🆘🇧🇷🆘🇧🇷🆘🇧🇷
Holy shit this is the one
He cant even speak let alone read to children 🤣🤣🤣
I love this because Biden is only slightly less moronic than Bush II
Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice, well, you cant get fooled again
Tom_QRT 😅😂👋🏾
And surprisingly enough the book isn’t upside down 🤨
Area Schoolchild Tunes Out President's Reading In Order To Text Her Broker And Tell Her To Go To Phase Three
Kudos to The Onion for getting the title right, as other note in the replies. It wasn't 'My Pet Goat' but 'The Pet Goat.' Yes, there's a difference.
carlquintanilla JoeBiden is an expert at reading...if words are not written on a page in front of him, he can’t respond
Thank you for this
DJSnM
Lame. Sorry. C'mon you gotta do better.
Minutes later he was informed of the AMC matter and began gnawing on his inner cheek.
Deep cuts for the real heads
😂😂😂
qjurecic Well at least we have a president that can and chooses to read, more than I can say for the last dunce that was president.
chrisfralic Now that's funny.
*My Pet Goat.
JournoGeoffZ I’m actually good with this response.
This is good. Good job www dot theonion dot com
“Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?” -George W. Bush
It's always nice to get that book out every couple of decades.
Those facts about rabbits and hares though. 👀
allahpundit “My pet goat”
Brilliant throwback tweet.
I know this joke is a 9/11 reference, but “Das Kapital” would have been funnier
carlquintanilla ...nerves of steel, that man😊
It's so nice to have normal onion articles again.
😂
Hahahahaha 🤣😂🤣😂🤣 Are you serious about this? Naw....
Lol
carlquintanilla So ?
Genius, absolute genius 👏🏼👏🏼
too soon...? wait...are we comparing 9/11...I mean yeah, same thing. You watch your ass Saddam! JoeBiden Put troops in Iraq immediately!...Wow! That was quick! EatTheRich Iraqwar
Exemplary leadership
carlquintanilla 🤔
Reddit is the website of peace
Well yeah, you know Joe loves them kids
This is an excellent deep cut
I'll take 'Onion Headlines That Easily Could Be Real Headlines' for $1,000, Alex (er, Ken)...
Biden can read?
DJSnM Why would he get up and run out? Can’t stop, won’t stop, GameStop.
carlquintanilla AMC to the moon 🚀
9/11/2021
Anybody remember when AnnCoulter tried to defend W for this by saying 'well what was he supposed to do?' I need to find that clip somewhere. What a 🤡
BidenGnu!
🐐 Family Guy reference for you normies
Omg 😭😭😭
SNChalmers1876 I just got an email from Robin Hood saying that they're going to allow limited purchases of 'those stocks and question'.
Damn....y'all at The Onion are on point today.
Do people even remember this W reference ?
SNChalmers1876 😂😂😂😂
as he should
Lmaooo