Terrifying Man Selling Dead Trees Out Of Middle School Parking Lot

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

Education Education Headlines News

Education Education Latest News,Education Education Headlines

FAIRFAX, MN—Clutching a jagged hacksaw while staring unblinkingly from his black ski mask, a terrifying figure has reportedly been selling dead trees to passersby in the Fairfax Middle School parking lot for two weeks, sources confirmed Monday. “Looking for a tree?” the hulking brute of a man said while pacing behind local residents as they traversed row upon row of evergreen cadavers, occasionally stopping to prop up a frozen tree’s corpse to allow visitors to gape at its lifeless form. “Like this one? Let me just cut off the bottom of its trunk for you real quick.” Sources confirmed that the fearsome beast then dragged the dead body of a pine tree to a nearby car, grunted audibly as he bound it tightly to the automobile’s roof with a length of twine, and then tried to sell onlookers a grisly, horrifying ring made from the severed, intertwined limbs of several gruesomely butchered firs.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

But how much are the trees? That's the real question

This year I've seen people selling trees out of the most random of places.

I'll be darned.. there is another one just up the road from me. I thought it was a cult, like the robed people that give out flowers. I figured that guy was handing the trees out, but ran me off when I tried to pick up one of them up.

Laughing 😂 for 5minutes

Looks like Norm Macdonald

Why are you tweeting old news? 2013?

Who is going to buy a dead tree for Christmas

?

Is that normmacdonald ?

PFTCommenter

Gyarupan_ looks like normmacdonald

Covered in sap

Pssst. Hey kid, wanna buy a tree?

I get my Xmas tree from this guy. He's a cut above the rest.

I was that guy yesterday!

😂

Hey..I used to be the Mayor of New York. Then I approved that whole “stop and frisk” thing. Well hell, that went south when I announced I wanted to be President. So..,now I got this gig. Wanna buy a tree?

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in EDUCATİON

Education Education Latest News, Education Education Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

49ers' Richard Sherman donates more than $7,000 to help eradicate a middle school's lunch debtSan Francisco 49ers' cornerback Richard Sherman has donated nearly $7,500 to cover students' lunch debt at a public middle school in Santa Clara, California Winning 👍 That’s all? Wasn’t his last contract almost 40 million with a few in incentives? This is just press padding because it looks impressive to people who make the national average or below it in income, not the rich people. OdoyleCharlotte 'children', 'lunch' and 'debt' should never be in the same sentence.
Source: CNN - 🏆 4. / 95 Read more »

Everything I learned about parenting, I learned in puppy school'When I got my eight-year-old son, Quinn, to brush his teeth using a command we’d just learned in puppy class, I made a life-changing discovery: Puppy training doesn’t just work on puppies.' rjfiasco
Source: Todaysparent - 🏆 313. / 61 Read more »

This Mom Thinks Other Moms At School Drop-Off Should 'Try A Little' With Their AppearanceA sanctimommy took to Facebook to judge other moms for not trying hard enough with their hair and makeup at school drop-off. Is this a joke? Seriously...my guess is she doesn’t clean ....who gets dressed to drop off their kid to go home and clean showers, toilets, floors ..she obviously doesn’t get her hands dirty because if she did she’d have common sense to know you shower AFTER a workout Try just loosing 2 parents. Having a anxiety, CFS, etc. Then you want to judge a mom for not being “up to your standards” at drop off. I’m sorry I would rather get my kids out the door with food in their bellies, bathed, dressed, homework done, and then ready for school on time. I dont think there is anything wrong with taking some pride in how you look. I never dropped off my girls looking like a methhead. No one is asking you to put a ball gown on, stop being so dramatic 🙄. Put on a t shirt and jeans. Done.
Source: ScaryMommy - 🏆 116. / 63 Read more »