New Study Finds Humans Could Lose Vestigial Heads In Less Than 100 Years

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DURHAM, NC—Shedding new light on the seemingly useless appendage, evolutionary biologists at Duke University published the results of a study this week in which they concluded that humans could lose their vestigial heads in less than 100 years. “We’re not exactly sure what purpose the head serves. Some say we need them to digest rocks, while others contend primitive man used them to smash things open, but there’s no consensus as to their function, yet all experts agree that we’ll soon be rid of them,” said lead researcher Dr. Dan McShea, who touted the ability to run faster as one of the many benefits of not being “burdened” by the misshapen secondary growth. “Heads were almost certainly integral at the onset of humanity, but now, they’re just useless. They’re frankly a gross deposit of cartilage, bone, and a surprisingly large cyst-like deposit of nerves. In other words, useless, from a biological standpoint, and they leave us incredibly vulnerable to decapitation. The humans of 200 years from now will be much better off without this pointless feature.” McShea cautioned the public against pursuing cosmetic cephalectomy surgery until the procedure has been proven safe.

 

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Quite predictable as brains are atrophying at a faster rate than ever evolution socialmedia

63 million Americans did not use theirs in 2016. They'll be first in line.

wow im happy i live rn because that looks gross. human faces are like the best quality of anyone, i couldn't bare judging people by their hands as that'd be the only thing i could see

fake

The human brain isn't serving as an important role as it used to...

dbrown13 Err I'm confused lol

Well most Republicans don't use them anyway

GTCost Great, put I phones on Them!

The brain is stored in the balls

elonmusk 'bout time we get to mars soon! I want my head to stay on my body

Let’s not get aHead of ourselves here

DONT NEED EM

The signs are there even now

Most have already begin ascending the anal cavity

Makes sense to me. It’s a very vulnerable body part, just look at shooting games.

Haha most ppl not using them anyways

Given how many people I see with their head up their ass I’d say 100 years is generous

The sarcastic fringehead shows another way.

That actually improved the overall profile... Can't wait.

Who knew 😳

Some people could lose their heads in the next 6 seconds

Is...is that Forrest Gump?

Must be a climate scientist.

Demonpuppy I mean we do speak out of our asses anyway

Looks like just the men, so....yep.

DanBott1 pound in t’pot

Can't wait. That useless lump is such a chore to groom.

As the penis increases to the size the head was. Makes sense.

Maybe women should start giving a little more.....

Funny that the long-running joke has been that Heaven has always existed as if by magic when Jesus clearly stated otherwise, but the hypocrites at church wouldn't know the difference, if they can even read to begin with.

Who cares about that shit!? Bette Middler just announced a run for POTUS!!! It’s time!!

actually more than 90% already lost their brain and any kind of 'reality' feeling

Will we need prosthetic heads?

EmoPhilips Wait a second...then how will we be able to sport our Emo Philips haircuts then?

Meh I wouldn't worry about it....nothing to lose your head over

I think some people are much further along in this evolutionary process

The French Revolution was ahead of its time

Fuck we need more time 😤

We need more head, the study is wrong,,, they switched the vials.. Provasic

They just found the cure for migraines.

EmoPhilips Homo Sine Capite

That's a big weight off my shoulders

Finally

odd way to suggest sharia law

EmoPhilips Cray craynium 😃

Looking around today... 'It's already started.'

I'm losing head every day on this site.

Fewer

About time.

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