Parents and children are likely to bump heads from time to time, whether the relationship is strong or strained. But the arguments between parents and their young kids are typically different from the ones between parents and adult children.
“Parenting is really hard, and the truth is that it is impossible to get completely right,” Hughes said. “Most often, parents are still dealing with wounds from their own childhoods and may not have examined how that impacted their parenting. Parents often want acknowledgment for the many sacrifices they made for their children and struggle to hear what their children have to say, due to their own feelings of guilt, denial or a belief that these problems should be left in the past.
“It’s unfortunate, because relationships are absolutely able to sustain different viewpoints and values practices as long as there is openness, respect and an ability to maintain curiosity toward one another,” she said.When adult children go on to have kids of their own, conflict with their parents about how they choose to raise their families often arises.
“Unless there is a legitimate safety concern or parents are being irresponsible, undermining their children’s parenting decisions about their grandchildren will only create further tension, potentially leading to estrangement and seeing their children and grandchildren less,” she said.“Processing this with a therapist either individually or together is always a valid option to help build the relationship and soothe the conflict.
Regardless, adult children should be able to have difficult conversations with their parents and set boundaries between their romantic relationship and their family of origin, Vadakumchery said. “For parents who come from cultural communities where reputation matters, getting their kids hitched or pregnant can be a cause for community celebration or a bragging point,” she added.