Understanding how people argue can help you resolve conflicts in a useful way.

Understanding the conflict style of someone close to you can help you resolve arguments more productively.

2b. Another type of avoider has been called the “defector”—the type of person who physically disappears when conflict rears its head. They’re so non-confrontational that they prefer to leave the room entirely, or even depart from a relationship, rather than to communicate dissent. Outside, they’ll seem blank or cold as they stonewall you, fall silent, or decline to engage; inside, they may be churning with discomfort that they do not know how to express.

The last style of conflict tends to be the most effective. Some people prefer to find ways to cooperate rather than to reach a zero-sum solution, in order to keep their relationships healthy. These people may be able to manage their own emotional discomfort so as to avoid becoming defensive in the midst of an argument, and they can often muster their empathy at difficult times in order to see past such heated moments.

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