You’re dating someone new — who’s great, by the way — but thoughts of your ex keep popping up. Try as you might to move on, memories of this person continue to resurface — and you’re wondering what it means.
Not to mention, we live in a world where it’s easier than ever to keep digital tabs on an ex, from watching their Instagram stories to“so it’s no surprise that you may find yourself thinking about them or even missing them,” said O’Reilly.Due to a cognitive bias called"rosy retrospection," we tend to recall past relationships in a more favorable light than we experienced them at that time.
If you find you’re more hung up on the way things ended, you may just need more time to process the relationship or its dissolution, O’Reilly said.the memories are likely symbolic and reflect things you’ve learned about yourself,” said Saunders. That said, there are some signs that might indicate your thoughts have veered into potentially problematic territory. For one, it’s worth paying attention to whether thoughts of your ex come and go or if they tend to linger. If they start taking up “most of your mental energy and focus,” then things are likely out of balance, Olmedo said.
“A new partner may want you to stop thinking about an ex, but it’s unfair and unrealistic for anyone to ask you to control your thoughts,” O’Reilly said. “In fact, the more you try to banish a thought, the more likely it is to reoccur.”“It’s OK to feel a range of fluctuating emotions,” O’Reilly said. “You might relish in feeling free and independent one day and then be burdened by a sense of grief the following day.
“Take some time to talk about things with friends who can be good listeners — the ‘sounding board’ type, instead of the problem-solvers who want to focus on a new person,” Olmedo said.