Amelia White: ‘The minute you’re dropped off by your parents, you never really go home again’ Wales, has published a memoir this week “Very Private School”. It delves into the trauma he experienced at boarding school, feeling unloved whilst being shrouded in privilege, and suffering sexual abuse and violence., 48, knows the pain that boarding schools can inflict on children.
When you arrive, in my experience, you can’t be homesick or you will be bullied. You have to develop this really hard exterior to get through it. If I stayed wanting or longing for my, then I was going to get picked on. I couldn’t cry because I would be seen as wet and pathetic.Bullying was rife at my school. For the girls, it was much more shame-based, such as being left out. But with boys it was brutal. It was violent. They could be beaten up or thrown down the stairs.
15 years ago, I went to a talk about boarding school syndrome and realised I had a lot of the symptoms. It can cause depression, workaholism, burnout, low self-care, and an inability to relax in relationships. Fear of intimacy is a massive one. Many people who went to boarding school have to fight to get close to other people.and hypervigilance are huge because everyone grew up looking over their shoulder to make sure that they weren’t going to be picked on or abused.
The system also creates children who don’t have a community. They grew up in an institution. They have no friends in their home towns or close relationships with their parents. I was fortunate that I was able to create attachments with friends at my school, which is what people often do. Former students often say their friends become their family. That was the case for me. Two of my schoolfriends moved to live in Brighton so that we are near to each other. You become each other’s family.