I knew that the numbness and weakness in my right hand meant I’d need spine surgery. The symptoms reminded me of my first spine surgery, an emergency surgery that happened 10 years ago after my legs became paralyzed on a walk one Monday afternoon in the park. So I was scared.Temporary paralysis is traumatizing. Emergency surgery is traumatizing. Not recovering from emergency surgery and needing further surgery is traumatizing.
I was looking out the window and the sky was blue and the sun was shining, and I could barely hear what the doctor was saying. There was a roaring in my ears. I was caught in theof waking up from that initial surgery in so much pain I couldn't tell if I was still alive. This random dude in a white coat was saying he wanted to fuse my spine at eight levels, that I shouldn’t go on my planned and much-anticipated vacation because if I fell down it could result in paralysis-or-death.