Learning To Be Unlikeable Is The Best Thing I’ve Ever Done

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was having a crap massage. I’ve had many a massage in my life and invariably, many of them have been crap. And it’s always for one specific reason: I’m trying too hard to be likeable. I'm more concerned that the masseuse should warm to me, should think I'm agreeable, should leave our 60 minutes together thinking, “I wish I had more clients like her,” than whether I am enjoying the experience myself. The experience that I have paid for.

The students rated Heidi and Howard as equally competent, however, when it came to being likeable, Howard was judged to be agreeable and a good colleague, while Heidi was seen as aggressive, selfish and not someone who they’d like to work with. In short, when women aren’t likeable, we aren’t safe – at work, on the streets and in our relationships. And though I felt enraged by this, I had accepted that I was destined to forever worry more about being liked than, well, most other things.

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