Vogue Etiquette: Esther Perel and Eileen Kelly Want You to Rewrite the Rules of Love

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Vogue’s Oh, Behave! is a new monthly column in which experts sound off on the ever-evolving social etiquette of today. For February, renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel and sex education Eileen Kelly talk love, relationships, and intimacy.

In 1948, Vogue published its 658-page Book of Etiquette, compiled by editor Millicent Fenwick, featuring how-tos, dos and don’ts, and the proper politesse for a remarkably varied set of scenarios. But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: “Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.” Some 75 years later, Oh, Behave! is a new monthly Vogue column in which experts sound off on today’s ever-evolving social etiquette.

You just have to ask, “Hey, would you feel comfortable if we used a vibrator?” Or “Would you use a vibrator on me?” There’s a way to inch into things. “You can’t make me orgasm” is very different from, “Hey, I think this is hot, and we should explore this.” How do you introduce a third partner into your relationship? Perel: I could write a whole book on that question alone. There’s a whole conversation to be had about non-monogamy.

 

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