Recently, the Kid With One F came home from school quite upset. When I asked them what was wrong, they told a long, involved story of a friend of theirs that was being bullied and how they wanted to fight the instigator. During this conversation, they dropped a line we’ve all heard in a million film and TV shows: “I don’t care what you do to me, but mess with my friends, and I’ll [insert violent act].
Like a lot of children of divorced parents, I grew up fast. This manifested as a need to impose order on the world as a way to overcome the loss of my family unit. By my sophomore year, I was already a perennial dad figure, constantly rushing to the rescue of whoever was knee deep in high school drama that week.
There’s helping other people, and then there’s using them as an excuse to rewrite the world with you as a savior. If someone is crying to you about something terrible, you can pretend your own terrible things are trivial in comparison no matter how much they are killing you. Then, you aren’t scared or depressed. You’re the adult, and who wouldn’t rather be the adult than a frightened little kid?
It’s noble to want to be a good friend and listener. However, a really great friend is focused on giving the distressed person what they need. They probably don’t want you to solve all their problems or backhand their bullies. Acting like you’re the avenging angel can be patronizing and actively damaging to the entire situation.
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Source: NPR - 🏆 96. / 63 Read more »