Commentary: Why do people crave the approval of an abusive or narcissistic parent?

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Phenomenally successful TV show Succession highlights a struggle some adult children face: The need for approval from an abusive parent, says Deakin University professor Gery Karantzas.

suggest the need for approval is a feature of people who experience an insecure attachment style known as attachment anxiety.

For example, a child may need encouragement in achieving a challenging task. Instead, the parent provides sympathy and says the task is too hard for the child. The parent may even try to do the task for the child, which can make them feel helpless or even incompetent. Our own work has shown people can act this way because their own parents were hostile towards them some 20 years prior.For some parents, however, engaging in inept and inconsistent care is not driven by conscious motivations to manipulate and hurt their children.

This is an example of intergenerational transmission, where patterns of attachment and parenting can be passed from one generation to the next.A"PARTIAL REINFORCEMENT SCHEDULE" Because of this partial reinforcement schedule, children work harder to gain the attention and love of their parents. The child might think: “If I try that little harder to get their attention and approval, they’ll see what I really need, and they’ll provide me with the love, comfort, acknowledgement I desire”.The need for approval is powerful for good reason, rooted in a long relationship history with our caregivers. Addressing this need often requires psychological intervention.

 

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Very well written article

Similarly ‘why do people crave the approval of an abusive and narcissistic teacher, lover, official, etc?’

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