When Lauren B. Quetsch and Tim Cavell were batting around potential titles for their recently released book, Quetsch suggested "I Love My Kids, But ...."
The title and contents of the book, Cavell said, are meant to push back against the commonly used phrase "effective parenting." "A good enough parent, just by the nature of their effort, will fail," he said. "They will not meet their child's needs, but that's an opportunity for a child to learn things on their own. Being a good enough parent is giving their child a gift that will help them learn."
In order to help parents create a good relationship with their child, Quetsch and Cavell identified six pillars that focus on how to connect.With every other undertaking in your life you probably have personal goals. With children, though, many parents only consider what they want their kids to accomplish.Then when you're questioning whether you're "doing it well," you aren't comparing yourself to the books you've read or the other parents you see.
Between controlling a child who is misbehaving and appeasing them, there is a third option: containing.In one sentence you can empathize with your child not wanting to go to school while also enforcing the rule that they need to get out the door.It refers to a parent modeling values they wish their child had but not intervening if a child's behavior is at odds with those values.
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