I entered a small fluorescent-lit room inside an office strip mall in Northeast Atlanta for a meeting of Subby School, a support and educational program for BDSM submissives. A plastic panda piggy bank stood on one table so that attendees could give donations. On a typical night, donations range from $5 to $20 total. Others bring snacks instead. Notepads sat in a pile, ready for members to take.
Zakree finished eating and sat down in a chair next to Jinni. But at Subby School, subs aren’t allowed to sit with their doms, because it can take them out of support-group mode and into their dom/sub dynamic. Jinni said that having subs train each other is ideal. “Doms are horrible at training. They teach you their personal preferences; they don’t train you to be a submissive. And there’s a big difference in those two things,” she said. “A perfect example is kneeling down — they teach you three or four positions [that they like]. I can teach you three dozen.”
Jinni and Snow met in the kitchen at an Athens Ladies Munch, an event where subs get served by doms. Both worked at an Atlanta BDSM club, which is where they initially formed Atlanta Subby School . “We started Subby School as a kind of discussion group — everybody could bring their own ideas, bring their own thoughts and their own experiences, and share,” Snow said. She prepares topics for each class, inspired by her experiences, research, and member suggestions.
Jinni and Snow also discuss correct methods for edgeplay: physically or mentally dangerous play, including humiliation, rope, choking, electricity, knife, or blood play. Jinni warns newcomers to initially avoid humiliation play, where you are consensually embarrassed or humiliated by your dom. Even with boundaries in place, the emotional toll can be heavier than subs expect. “Do you know how much damage I can do to you with humiliation play in less than three minutes?” Jinni said.
Stefani Goerlich, a certified sex therapist who works with BDSM practitioners, said that submissives often hear mixed messages. “Within the kink community, they hear that submissives are strong and that they are really the ones who hold the power in a power exchange relationship. Meanwhile, the general community tends to view submissive personalities as fragile, weak, or broken in some way.
“I have that issue in my own personal dynamic. I love electric play. Mistress hates electric play,” said Liath, who introduced themself as a college student. “My mistress devised a solution. Her friend comes over and I get the shit zapped out of me.” “I don’t like intentional blood. It’s just not my thing,” said Haley, a talkative, self-described “brat” with glasses and long brown hair. “But I like really heavy impact. So [blood is] gonna happen. And that’s fine.
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