New Evidence Finds Christ Used Followers’ Money On Lavish Fleet Of Private Donkeys

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JERUSALEM—In a discovery researchers say could transform millennia of belief about Christianity’s founder, archaeologists from the University of Oxford uncovered new evidence Wednesday suggesting that Jesus Christ used followers’ money to purchase a lavish fleet of private donkeys. “Obviously, Christ preached much…

JERUSALEM—In a discovery researchers say could transform millennia of belief about Christianity’s founder, archaeologists from the University of Oxford uncovered new evidence Wednesday suggesting that Jesus Christ used followers’ money to purchase a lavish fleet of private donkeys. “Obviously, Christ preached much about the virtues of poverty, yet

he himself appeared to live a highly luxurious lifestyle with a different high-end donkey for every day of the week,” said Dr. Peter Turner, describing the way that Christ would accept thousands of denarii from his most ardent followers in order to outfit his high-end, plush beasts of burden with diamond-studded horseshoes.

 

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Where is the evidence?

In all fairness, I would have done the same thing.

Money well spent

Man, look at that ass.

According to pastor de jour he was riding on a luxury pterodactyl

It all makes sense now

Donkeygate

With the way 'chrsitian' leaders act now (and for centuries), I wouldn't be surprised.

With upgraded hoof shoes

No getting away with this one

alexzfinley Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass.

AngryNatlPark I’m so glad I screen grabbed this when I did.

Part of the private fleet.

That's basically what the books says, with the whole 'wash my feet with really expensive soap using your hair (?!) because I'm on tour but these damn poor people will still be around tomorrow.' Very difficult to parody the bible.

Lordy

“Does it make you feel like less of a man that the amount you need to save your son is less than 25% of the value of one of my donkeys?”

This would explain why his modern-day TV pastors are all grifters too.

So he's being followed around by a bunch of asses? Yeah checks out

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