Ask Jennifer: My husband is having an affair but is willing to stay with me

Can our marriage survive this affair? I have just learned that my husband has been having an affair for the past eight years. We’ve been together since we were at college, and I thought we were a happy, close family. We have a good home and have been generally OK for money, as we’ve both worked. We also have two great sons, both now left home but living nearby, and a great circle of friends.

My go-to source of help in this situation would be counselling, but as you are already struggling to make ends meet, I can understand why this may not be for you. At some point, probably not too far off, I fear you will have to issue an ultimatum: me or her — not both. My family have helped hugely and kept my whereabouts a secret from my husband, from whom I am now divorced.

Jennifer says Possibly yes, but before I go into that, let me just emphasise that you should not feel in any way compelled to act on his request.

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