Biggest Revelations From The Uvalde School Shooting Report

The Police Were Specially Trained In Milling AroundAdvertisementGrubhub Took Forever To Deliver Officers’ FoodAdvertisementThe Police Were Unsure If Shooter Was Allowed To Keep ShootingAdvertisementList slidesNo one can blame the police for the alligator-infested moat surrounding the school grounds, nor could the police do anything about the broken drawbridge.

Each Texas school hires a monster truck operator to run over potential shooters, but the one on-site that day was taking a nap.List slidesAnd at least one of the teachers was dead the whole time, doing almost nothing to help the students.

In a tragedy where everyone seems to be passing the buck, investigators have unequivocally condemned the man who paved the way for modern door locks.

This tragedy could have been prevented if the police that were there had acted immediately! They did not! There is NO Other response needed! The arguments and finger pointing are all a distraction from the truth! Uvalde Police Dept. You FUCKED UP BIG! KIDS DIED! OWN UP! NO LIES!

Obviously the police need more funding and bigger guns to prevent this tragedy from happening again.

Did they try using thoughts and prayers on the door locks?

Using humor to point out the unforgivable failures of this tragedy.

Surprised they didn’t try reverse psychology

delete this

If you’re gonna be tasteless at least be funny 👎

Time to start teaching lock-picking in K-8

This is the grimmest onion article ever written.

It's becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish, at first glance, tweets from The Onion and tweets from the RNC.

You're not supposed to give the ADHD secret club's motto away! Crap, now we'll have to change it. And you know how chaotic those meetings can get.

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