“I don’t mind the taste and I don’t mind the texture.” Illustration: Ryan Inzana Joel Kim Booster is booked and busy. In addition to performing at the first-ever Netflix Is a Joke Fest, the New York turned Los Angeles comedian is the writer and star of Fire Island, a Pride and Prejudice–esque romantic comedy co-starring his friend Bowen Yang. Our friends at Vulture have described the movie, which comes out on Hulu June 3, as like the Jane Austen novel but with “less bustles, more muscles.
Before meal-delivery services, I would eat pasta constantly. I have eaten so much pasta in my life. I’m actually really good at doctoring jarred pasta sauce. I do like to make it something else, sort of like a Chopped challenge — adding my own tomatoes or putting anchovies in the sauce, or something like that. I love Food Network. I’m addicted to Beat Bobby Flay. I love Chopped.
Soon it was dinnertime, which meant it was time for yet another prepackaged meal. We’re going Indian: chicken tikka masala. It’s my favorite meal that I get from this service, even though, like the pork salsa verde, it is mostly chunks of chicken in a fairly generic “Indian style” sauce and a side of white rice. But it tastes great and is a whopping 47 grams of protein.
For lunch, it was back to my premade meals. This day’s was “Mongolian salmon,” which is fully an lol. What you have to understand about my meal-delivery service is that any gesture toward a specific culture usually means the sauce that comes with it has the flavor profile of a region, but specifically calling a plate with a nice piece of salmon, bok choy, and a comically small portion of rice “Mongolian” is kind of a stretch. Nevertheless, it looked and tasted great.
We got home around 1 a.m. and surprise! My boyfriend has the same meal-delivery service that I have, and as soon as we got back to his place I decided to make myself one of his meals, which I knew I shouldn’t but I did anyway. It was lemon tilapia, which is one of my favorites. Unfortunately, I dropped it and my boyfriend wouldn’t let me eat it off the ground. I did a little bit anyway because I don’t like to waste food.
We arrived home at a sensible 1:15 a.m. — an unusually early night for us — and decided to take advantage of the selection of restaurants that are normally closed to us on Postmates. We went with Italian. I went to the gym and had the same protein shake. Blessedly, they asked if I wanted a different fruit, so I got my blueberries. Hooray!
ihatejoelkim JMJ How revolting. I didn't need to see this before coffee. 🤨