Tennis Lessons and Learning to Feel at Home in My Body

Photo: Bobby Doherty I’m on a tennis court in Brooklyn on a Tuesday afternoon. My friend Hunter is 78 feet away. They toss the ball in the air, readying their serve. The ball flies toward me; I see it, I hit it, it zooms into the net. I feel my feet in my Adidas, my face grows flushed, my legs begin to throb. Yoga is meditative, CrossFit is all body, but tennis is both soma and psyche, the perfect balance of muscle memory and mental agility.

Transitioning is a process of slowly discovering one’s mass, of learning to replace the nothingness with the sensations that come with being alive. Because so many of us spend so long feeling dissociated from our bodies, exercise and movement end up being crucial components of our lives. Some trans people find embodiment through dancing or raving or sex. My friend Charlie Markbreiter likes to run.

Before I found tennis, every interaction I had with a sport required dissociation. One afternoon, at age 10, I was at a swimming pool in the West Village. On the pool’s opposite end, boys played with an inflatable ball, throwing it back and forth. Standing in a corner of the shallow end, I spun my arms around, pretending to be a washing machine — the only solitary activity I could think to perform in water. Nobody around me could see what I felt — an agony so intense it’s like I was choking.

_pem_pem MINE WAS SELLING FAGS FOR $1

_pem_pem NICE TO FEEL COMPLETE. JESUS

_pem_pem Trans athletes need to be banned

_pem_pem I don’t know where to start to tell you how good this is. It’s absolutely beautiful.

_pem_pem Go Girl!

_pem_pem Can we just agree to drop gender-based divisions in sports and have everyone compete at the same skill level regardless of gender?

_pem_pem Did he put the racket Handle in his anus?

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