Frat President Chews Out Brothers Infected With Covid-19 For Not Sanitizing Balls Before Teabagging Pledges

📆 8/21/2020 7:40 PM
📰 TheOnion

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MOSCOW, IDAHO—Urging his brothers to not be total dumbasses and let their “Covid-infested nards” ruin rush week, University Of Idaho’s Theta Chi president Christopher Allen reportedly chewed out members that had been infected with coronavirus Friday for not sanitizing their balls before teabagging pledges. “All right, guys, I really shouldn’t have to say this again at this point, but if you’re going to slap your scrotum on a newbie’s face and make him lick it, that shit better taste like straight-up Purell,” said Allen, adding that he’d specifically requested hand sanitizer stations to be placed around the house so that residents could easily disinfect their balls, penises, or assholes before forcing freshmen to perform lewd acts on them. “I’m just saying—I know lots of you are running fevers or whatever, so it’s extra important that even if you’re blackout drunk, you put that shit in the sink, use antibacterial soap, and sing “Happy Birthday” twice. If we do this Covid stuff right, I know that we can drop our pants and sit on these pledge’s faces in a safe, healthy way. But if we don’t, say goodbye to fall formal—especially you, Kyle, your balls are disgusting.” At press time, Allen added that it was also of the utmost importance for Theta Chi brothers to set a good example for the rest of the campus by always wearing a mask when socializing with girls, especially after they have passed out. \n

-infested nards” ruin rush week, University Of Idaho’s Theta Chi president Christopher Allen reportedly chewed out members that had been infected with coronavirus Friday for not sanitizing their balls before teabagging pledges.

up Purell,” said Allen, adding that he’d specifically requested hand sanitizer stations to be placed around the house so that residents could easily disinfect their balls, penises , or assholes before forcing freshmen to perform lewd acts on them. “I’m just saying—I know lots of you are running fevers or whatever, so it’s extra important that even if you’re blackout drunk, you put that shit in the sink, use antibacterial soap, and sing “

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If only Trump could showcase this kind of leadership

This is transphobic!!

KingslyFishao

MeAShrew Help me help you! 🔥🌎ClimateActionNow 🌍🔥

redsteeze Did the Babylon Bee hire the people that used to make your headlines?

What frat house looks like that picture?

This turned my stomach. Filthy Idiot barbarians don't begin to describe it. I hope is just another Onion sarcasm.

Love that they always use theta chi. F those b’s in the a with a big rubber d.

Comedy gold

And goddammit, tuck up those pajamas and wipe down those PLEDGE PINS!!

redsteeze GoBlue_01 😆

Any competent fraternity president would delegate the chewing out responsibilities to an underling.

redsteeze

Its not as crazy as it once was.

redsteeze This is not a joke 😂

michaeldweiss Huh?

I’m done......🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

redsteeze Virginia Tech amirite?

redsteeze I hope he tossed their salads and set them straight

That’s not fair, there’s like one frat at Humboldt State whose hazing doesn’t involve sexual assault.

woltman13

Meanwhile, was that a fraternity on my college campus... thetachi

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣

As he should its irresponsible. We spread shame not diseases. Allegedly....

😂

Lololol

Welcome to this service

This is disgusting. The university should provide sanitizing wipes specifically for balls to keep the pledges safe!

Oh you never fail to haunt my dreams at least a few times a year with your mental image inducing headlines

So good...

How could they? What a bunch of jerks.

Ouch

Theta Chi - story checks out.

He looks indistinguishable from any other frat boy.

It’s in the Tea Party manual, under ‘Teabagger etiquette’.

Good way to build a resistance ( to teabagging).

God luv ‘em.

Always remember, safety first! 😂🤣

ItsBennReal hgonzalezz1 BallSoHardJafar yung_youss damn looks like a sick house

And they'll all still be alive in a year from now...

ok Dad...geez

always, always sanitize the ol hacky sack.

Beta Alpha Lambda Lambda Sigma

Halo super fan doesn’t give a fuck about storyline or visuals, just wants to know he can still teabag kills

And make sure to wear a condom even though it's just the tip.

These are truly unprecedented times.

can send everyone home, close up shop, and retire because they’ve hit peak with this tweet.

Did you have to pick a Theta Chi?

Good to see some young people have their priorities in order.

First world kids w/issues. Grow up

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