Physicists Hail Major Breakthrough After Discovering Neutrinos Just Little Italian Neutrons

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CHICAGO—Confirming the search for the mysterious Godfather particle was finally over, physicists at the University of Chicago hailed what they call a major breakthrough Monday after discovering neutrinos are just little Italian neutrons. “We’ve long believed neutrinos were created by nuclear reactions inside stars, but the truth is they’re just neutrons that originated in Tuscany, Piedmont, Sicily, and other regions of the Italic Peninsula,” said astrophysicist Dr. John Marder, whose experiments that involved shooting beams of neutrinos from a particle accelerator allowed scientists to observe that the Italian neutrons left behind nearly imperceptible trails of marinara sauce. “Over 100 trillion neutrinos pass through your body every second, but you never feel their little chef’s hats or big, bushy, black mustaches. That’s because matter has little effect on neutrinos; they only interact via the weak nuclear force to gesticulate wildly about nearby pizzerias or argue about the proper way to make a gravy. Discovering they are fluent in Italian has revolutionized our understanding of the quantum world.” At press time, Marder decried the idea that all neutrinos have mafia ties as a harmful, scientifically incorrect stereotype.

 

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CalebHowe Are there any O’Neutrons?

I can’t stop laughing at this

😊😂

che carina guarda

trintran Amazing! I never knew that AnjaKarliczek is also a specialist in quantum mechanics.

Alabbar94

Normally I like the onion, but this goes too far.

Aren't those neuguidos?

RegBerlin and AnjaKarliczek are happy to be associated with this... 😂

So they are getting closer to finding a cure for mental illness 🤔

🤣🤣

neutrinos go right through the earth without hitting anything. they do it all the time.

Ay! Oh!

I always wondered what gabagool was

Keaton can rewrite that and make it better

Wowow

String theory

SnorklePants

And they're all plumbers that hate mushrooms and turtles. WE KNOW THIS ALREADY!

Wait until they discover neutrinas

bet they populate just as much as those little greaseballs

Mamma Mia!

koeppeda

Well they ain’t bosons

Heya, what’s the charge? We have a no charge...we’re a neutrinos!

:/ ok lol because of the stock picture.

Do they all eat white bread as well?

chitose10182489

HinrichsenNiall hey all your hard work finally paid off, proud of you brother.

It's a me, Neutrino!

Progress is our most important product 😊

That’s… literally how they were named.

Progress is the our most important product: General Electric had this slogan (I think it was them?)

🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ Stan The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Cool

Nutrinotinos I believe

😂🙏 '...allowed scientists to observe that the Italian neutrons left behind nearly imperceptible trails of marinara sauce.'

Mamma Mia! This Neutron is Italian!

😂 😂

DistortBot

Quack

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