Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator

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SANTA BARBARA, CA—Noting that no marine species posed a threat and the total domination of its habitat, a study released Wednesday by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara revealed that the floating mass of trash known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is now the ocean’s apex predator. “We examined various aquatic food chains from top to bottom and determined that no other species comes close to challenging the garbage patch’s supremacy in the northern Pacific Ocean,” said Dr. Rebecca Corson, adding that the Texas-sized expanse of discarded plastics and chemical sludge easily displaced such large carnivores as the tiger shark and orca whale from their former place atop the marine pecking order. “The garbage patch can thrive in every ocean climate and devours whatever is in its path, whether it is plants, animals, or thousands of discarded styrofoam takeout containers.” Corson added that at the current rate of growth, the buoyant mass of marine debris would surpass humans as earth’s most dominant force by 2045.

 

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Oh Sean! O’Sean Ocean. Get it?

Uuuu . I see the sun glasses I lost at the beach last summer.

Sickening

This is frightening... a New apex predator to contend with...🥡 savetheoceans

This is true fact

Can we colonize it?

Don't attack corporate houses they are victims

If the heap gets big enough to inhabit - half of America is going to move to New Trash America

I thought the Onion was only out here spreading satire. How come they're posting the truth now?

. Or is the heap of trash a fraud who’s been on the ocean ?

The Heap

I liked it better when you guys did satire.

this isnt satire

hey i think i see one of my condoms j/k i dont get to have sex

this assemblage of trash may indeed be causing immense harm to oceanic wildlife but i hardly think the editors of this piece are doing the readers any favors by labeling it as a predator

Is it trash? I thought its india

I saw this coming 317yrs ago but no one listened to me then either. WE. ARE. ALL. DOOMED. I'm not gonna say it again PERIOD!

Oh Please don't clean that Spot There must be something to remember us in 10.000 years.. sigh

RELATED: Scientists Calculate Floating Ocean Trash Now Large Enough For Humans to Populate

They ruined Swamp Thing

It always was, we just made startling new observations and reclassified.

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