Rich College Student Trying To Find Shabbiest Angle In Parents’ Penthouse To Zoom Into Class From

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SAN FRANCISCO—Searching the expansive property for a location that wouldn’t be too ostentatious, college student Maria Visone was attempting to find the shabbiest angle in her parents’ penthouse to Zoom into class from, sources confirmed Thursday. “Maybe I can kind of just point it against this corner and no one will see the home movie theater,” said Visone, who had reportedly ruled out the great room because of the obvious noise from the water feature as well as the downstairs guest bathroom due to the French windows showcasing the Golden Gate Bridge. “Basically any room with a fireplace is out, which severely limits my options. And I have to make sure it’s somewhere the mastiffs won’t run in and jump in my lap. Damn, if only I had remembered to mention this to the maid, she could have just taken everything out of the exercise room yesterday and it would have been perfect.” At press time, Visone had settled on a 6-inch patch of white wall space between the chandelier and an original Rothko.