to two biological siblings, one with special needs, I have visited some deep places in myself over the years to wrestle my own fears and expectations.. Is it true that the destiny of these two precious children I love so much is written in their genes? Were their lives set on some inevitable course before they ever came into our family?
Names can serve a purpose. They can get you funding for services and therapies. They can help bring some order and coherence to an otherwise chaotic set of symptoms. They are certainly helpful to throw at well-wishers and not-so-well-wishers who tut under their breath at how you could possibly allow your child to behave like that.. This is who my child is. These are his limitations. There is now a ceiling on his potential that no one expects him to rise above.
At mother and toddler mornings, Jack couldn’t tolerate being in a room with other children. As soon as everyone gathered in a circle for an activity, he would bolt out the door. He would then spend the rest of the morning in the yard obsessively playing with the door or turning a faucet on and off, ignoring all my attempts to play with him.
I took a deep breath before getting out the car to collect Jack at lunchtime each day. When he saw me, he would jump into my arms with a look that made me feel like the worst mommy in the world for leaving him there. And the other kids all gathered to tell me about the injuries they had sustained at his hands!
What was truly amazing: The other children in the group learned from this example and never responded violently to Jack’s actions. Instead, they tried to bring him into the group. I’ll never forget overhearing a little group of two- and three-year-olds trying to teach Jack how to talk!